exile Posted June 11, 2007 Report Share Posted June 11, 2007 The private diary of a Viagra housewife. Day 1. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried. Day 2. Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed. Day 3. This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears. Day 4. A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood. Day 5. What absolute bliss! Day 6. Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that. Day 7. This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it's very nice, I don't think I've ever been so happy. Day 8. I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also getting a bit sore down there. Day 9. No time to write. He might catch me. Day 10. Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. To make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over. Day 11. I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig. Day 12. I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous. Day 13. Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that 'Oops, sorry' thing again, I'll kill the bastard. Day 14. I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him hornier. Help me! Day 15. I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he did. Day 16. The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac. Day 17. Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference. Christ! Here he comes again! Day 18. He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G!!! Posted June 11, 2007 Report Share Posted June 11, 2007 priceless :) zenama nikad uduvoljiti :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazica Posted June 11, 2007 Report Share Posted June 11, 2007 Bah, dobro je tu i tamo, tačnije ovde - "Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he did." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzontra.volta Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 shashavo i istinito Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackadder Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. Even yawning has become dangerous. win! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cartman_ Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. :D:D:D Quote ONE LOVE, TJM! www.last.fm/user/uNkindTJM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaG Posted June 13, 2007 Report Share Posted June 13, 2007 kurve mater im jebem sve su iste Quote neka osoba glupak hehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shale Posted June 14, 2007 Report Share Posted June 14, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SavKe Posted June 16, 2007 Report Share Posted June 16, 2007 I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him hornier. Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he did. ROFL, sushtisnko :)))))))) Quote У једној старој књизи читао сам чудну причу; а враг би га знао откуд мени та књига из неког смешног времена, у коме је било много слободоумних закона, а нимало слободе; држали се говори и писале књиге о привреди, а нико ништа није сејао; цела земља претрпана моралним поукама, а морала није било; у свакој кући пун таван логика, али памети није било; на сваком кораку говорило се о штедњи, а расипало се на све стране, а сваки зеленаш и нитков могао је себи купити за неколико гроша титулу: велики народни родољуб. Радоје Домановић - "Страдија" 1902. - Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[BMF]Psycho Posted June 17, 2007 Report Share Posted June 17, 2007 hahahahaha kako je jebeno dobro. bitch got what she deserved. Quote "A forgotten virtue like honesty is worth at least twenty credits." -JC Denton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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