Ten things that piss me off, by George Carlin
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the
time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is
yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom
is?
2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy, considering he
has no dick.
3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the
entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk
to the TV and change the channel manually.
4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and
eat it too." Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake if you
can't eat it? What, should I eat someone else's cake
instead?
5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look."
Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after
you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see
that?" No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and
stare at the fucking ceiling up there. What did you come
here for?
7. The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey
Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't
drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!
8. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really
give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
9. When something is "new and improved", which is it?
If it's new, then there has never been anything before it.
If it's an improvement, then there must have been something
before it.
10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how
fast you were going? You should know asshole, you fucking
pulled me over.
If 99.9% is good enough then:
Two million documents will be lost by the IRS this year.
811,000 faulty rolls of 35mm film will be loaded this year.
22,000 checks will be deducted from the wrong bank accounts in the next
60 minutes.
1,314 phone calls will be misplaced by telecommunication services every
minute.
12 babies will be given to the wrong parents each day.
268,500 defective tires will be shipped this year.
14,208 defective personal computers will be shipped this year.
103,260 income tax returns will be processes incorrectly this year.
2,488,200 books will be shipped in the next 12 months with the wrong
cover.
880,000 credit cards in circulation will turn out to have incorrect
cardholder informaiotn on their magnetic strips.
55 malfunctioning automatic teller machines will be installed in the
next 12 months.
Post no. 1700
Dodajte vi i neke vashe izmishljotine... :P